Complaining is a Losing Game

Complaining is attractive for many reasons: it’s not your fault (yay!), you get to talk about it with others (nice!), and it costs nothing (in this economy, phew!). I see and hear many clients complaining about things that are annoying to them at work. And for a brief moment, it does release some tension. But what happens when complaining becomes the default?

The act of complaining on a regular basis sets you up for failure to change. When we complain about things and others are that are not in our control, our attention is solely on the grievance. We give so much time and energy to what is NOT working for us: a micromanager, unfair bonus, demanding deadlines, or a nosy coworker. So, naturally, we find ourselves sharing with someone else how annoying that thing is, and why it’s not working for us.
Great. Shared. Now what?

Clients forget that in every annoying situation, you are playing a part in it. I know, sorry to burst your bubble. But you are. All these grievances are not just happening to you - you are a part of the experience. A manager may be micromanaging your work, but how are you receiving that feedback? A bonus might be dismal, but what work are you showing for it to be otherwise? A deadline may be demanding, but what expectations were agreed upon before the project began? Taking accountability for being a part of these experiences is not nearly as much fun as gossiping with your coworker at the water cooler. And yet, it’s the only way to grow.

Next time you find yourself complaining about something at work, make it a compound sentence:
“It is so annoying that my manager did X to me AND (here’s the part that I’m playing in this situation).”

It helps you reframe a dead-end road of a complaint to a path toward growth. Taking ownership of the roles you are playing at work when things are frustrating empowers you to do something about it. And if you want things to change, starting with yourself is the only way.